THEY LEFT US EVERYTHING

They Left Us Everything is a memoir by Canadian Plum Johnson about caring for her senior parents and the 16-month project of sorting and clearing their home. This contemporary story is set in her parents’ rambling 22-room house filled with decades of accumulation and memories. In sharp contrast to my recent blog posting, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, Johnson finds real value in waiting until after someone’s death to sort their stuff.

How many of us have faced the experience of setting out on an excavation to clear an older relative or friend’s home? Without knowing what we will discover, we can enter with resentment and weariness or anticipation and curiosity!

TWO PRACTICAL HINTS ON LETTING GO

Just two practical hints from THAT book — that’s all I need” wrote a friend after reading my blog posting: THE GENTLE ART OF SWEDISH DEATH CLEANING.

In her wise and humorous book about letting go of stuff in a way that uplifts and doesn't overwhelm, Margareta Magnusson offers two suggestions that appeal to me.

Begin letting go somewhere other than PHOTOS — or letters and personal papers. In fact, leave the sorting of photos until the end of your downsizing project. Start with the big items in your home (furniture you no longer need) and finish with the small (the personal stuff).

GRATITUDE: SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TO SAY YES

"How do I find the balance of saying YES and NO to my parents as they downsize their home and ask me to take items?” This common question comes from adult children who are helping their parents right-size or downsize their homes.

The adult child's question about a balance of YES and NO frequently follows a time of saying: “I can’t take any more of your stuff, Mom!” (Your Downsizing Can’t Be Be My Upsizing).

Although “upsizing” was not their goal, two friends offer their wisdom about taking more-than-less as they help their parents downsize.

Catherine BarnsleyMarch 21, 2021difficult downsizing, Downsizing Seniors, downsizing parents

CORRALLING SENTIMENTAL ITEMS

How do you keep on downsizing and not get stuck with YOUR OWN sentimental items such as photos, letters, greeting cards, and mementos? This question came from a client whom I will call Laurie who has read Downsizing INHERITED Sentimental Objects.

The Canadian prairies are coming out of a long cold spell in the midst of a pandemic that has provided (for some of us like Laurie) the opportunity to excavate closets and cupboards.

Laurie is rightsizing and organizing her own home, and at the same time is helping her parents downsize to a smaller home.

Catherine BarnsleyFebruary 14, 2021Downsizing Seniors, downsizing photos, downsizing old letters

DOWNSIZING SENTIMENTAL OBJECTS

How do you let go of inherited sentimental objects when there are just too many tools, teacups, kitchen utensils, ornaments, or (add your category)?

This question came from a client whom I will call Dave who had inherited 20 old tools from his father. He had vivid memories of his Dad using each of the tools around the farm or house. Every time that Dave saw the tools, he remembered his Dad with great affection. However, he was moving to a smaller space and had his own more up-to-date tools of which he needed very few. HIs Dad's beloved old tools had become a burden, yet he couldn’t bear to put the tools in a garage sale as he felt like he was ‘selling’ his father.

YOUR DOWNSIZING CAN'T BE MY UPSIZING

I love this pithy line shared by an adult daughter who is helping her mother downsize in the midst of the pandemic. After selecting what she would take to her new smaller home, the older woman suggested that her daughter could take much of what was left. Her daughter’s response was “Mom, your downsizing cannot be my upsizing!"

In Mindful Compassion While Seniors Downsize, I shared some reasons why seniors struggle with downsizing. For many of these generous folk, an easy solution would be for their adult children to take everything that the senior no longer needs and incorporate the items into their own homes.

How many of us have been asked to do just that? And can’t or choose not to.

Here are some suggestions to help you:

TAKING STOCK IN SEPTEMBER

Where did this summer go? These suddenly crisp September days remind us of the passing of another year. A strange year where the pandemic has affected most everyone in significant and varied ways.

For some of us, we intended to tackle an organizing or downsizing project this summer. That may or may not have happened. For others of us, that was the last thing on our minds with the demands of work and family. Or we may have spent every spare minute outside gulping in these precious days of summer with safe outside visiting.

And now it’s September. Have you once again considered tackling a house or garden project?

Catherine BarnsleySeptember 6, 2020Downsizing, downsizing, fall organizing, Downsizing Seniors

GOOD-BYE RED SHOES, GOOD-BYE GUILT

This was a favourite posting of last year, and it’s time to revisit it again! What ‘red shoes’ do you have in your life during this time of COVID-19 as we reflect on what has changed in our lives over the last two months. What do we need to let go?

I am rooting around in a closet to find a seasonal jacket, and I cast my eyes on my beloved unworn red shoes!

I love THOSE shoes! I love RED shoes!

I feel strong and positive. I could walk anywhere and face any challenge when I have red shoes on my feet.

YOUR DOWNSIZING CANNOT BE MY UPSIZING

I love this pithy line shared by an adult daughter who is helping her mother downsize. After selecting what she would take to her new smaller home, the older woman suggested that her daughter could take much of what was left. Her daughter’s response was “Mom, your downsizing cannot be my upsizing.”

In How Do I Help My Parents to Downsize, I shared some reasons why seniors struggle with downsizing. For many of these generous folk, an easy solution would be for their adult children to take everything that the senior no longer needs and incorporate the items into their own homes.

How many of us have been asked to do just that? And can’t or choose not to.

Here are some suggestions to help you:

HOW DO I HELP MY PARENTS TO DOWNSIZE?

Many adults are helping senior family members downsize because of an imminent move to a smaller home or because their current home feels too full of stuff.

Unless continuous clearing of possessions has been a priority for older generations or they have strong minimalist tendencies, most seniors have a lot of stuff. This may be difficult for younger generations to understand. I commonly hear “Why can’t you get rid of stuff? or “Why did you buy all this stuff?” as younger family members struggle with their feelings of frustration and weariness in supporting their elders.

Catherine BarnsleyMarch 1, 2020Downsizing Seniors, difficult downsizing

DON’T EVER SAVE ANYTHING FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION — BEING ALIVE IS THE SPECIAL OCCASION

As I help people downsize and rightsize their homes, or sort through estate items, I often hear: “I keep that for special occasions” or ‘We use those dishes only once a year” or “Those were my Dad’s tools. I don’t ever use them as I might damage them."

One of the best inspirational sayings that I have heard in the work I do is:

"Don't Ever Save Anything for a Special Occasion - Being Alive is the Special Occasion"

Any one of us who has had a health scare or accompanied someone through a serious health diagnosis may quickly come to appreciate those words. Suddenly — time can feel finite. The future is unknown.

STICKING WITH 2020 RESOLUTIONS

How many of us said at the start of 2020 that this is the year that I will:

get organized!

downsize the contents of my basement!

convince (name your parents, partner or teenager) to get rid of stuff!

How are you doing with those New Year’s resolutions?

Newfoundland psychologist Janine Hubbard offers practical ideas to help us kick-start or keep those 2020 plans:

CORRALLING SENTIMENTAL ITEMS

How do you keep on downsizing and not get stuck with YOUR OWN sentimental items such as photos, letters, greeting cards, and mementos? This question came from a client whom I will call Laurie who has read Downsizing INHERITED Sentimental Objects .

Laurie is rightsizing and organizing her own home, and at the same time is helping her parents downsize to a smaller home.

DOWNSIZING INHERITED SENTIMENTAL OBJECTS

How do you let go of inherited sentimental objects when there are just too many tools, teacups, kitchen utensils, ornaments, or (add your category)?

This question came from a client whom I will call Dave who had inherited 20 old tools from his father. He had vivid memories of his Dad using each of the tools around the farm or house. Every time that Dave saw the tools, he remembered his Dad with great affection. However, he was moving to a smaller space and had his own more up-to-date tools of which he needed very few. HIs Dad's beloved old tools had become a burden, yet he couldn’t bear to put the tools in a garage sale as he felt like he was ‘selling’ his father.

LEGACY: MORE STORIES, LESS STUFF

How do I save my story for next generations as I downsize?

This question emerged from my recent blog postings about honouring a farmer’s life, and ways to symbolically honour other jobs.

Some careers do not have obvious symbols that can easily be preserved in a shadow box or by placing a particular object on a shelf.

Catherine BarnsleyNovember 17, 2019Preserving Legacy, difficult downsizing, Downsizing Seniors, Work Memories

DOWNSIZING WHILE YOU HONOUR A LIFETIME OF WORK

How do you honour a lifetime of work when you downsize a house or move from the farm? How can you keep a symbol of what your life’s work has been while letting go of your tools of the trade or the place where you worked for decades?

My friend, Pat, shared a story of how she and her sisters supported their parents' move and how she captured 48 years of their working lives.

Catherine BarnsleyOctober 27, 2019Downsizing Seniors, downsizing farmers, downsizing with meaning

GRATITUDE CHAIR: CALM IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS

Today is Thanksgiving Monday — a day that Canadians give Thanks and express Gratitude for the goodness in our lives.

Expressing Gratitude can also be a significant part of downsizing, rightsizing and estate organizing.

During those times, I have found it helpful to have a Gratitude Chair.

Catherine BarnsleyOctober 13, 2019Gratitude Chair, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Decluttering, Downsizing Seniors

WALL TREASURES FOR THE NEXT GENERATION

What can I do in one hour to prepare "treasures" for the next generation?

This question came from someone whose full life allows little free time. However, Jen wants to start organizing her stuff!

I suggested she start with the 20 items hanging on her living room and hallway walls.

HOW DO I HELP MY PARENTS DOWNSIZE?

Whether they are packrats or minimalists or somewhere-in-between, helping parents to downsize can be a challenging and meaningful experience!

Many of us as adult children will be called upon to help our parents downsize from a family home to condo or apartment. As you lend a hand, consider these questions together.

How can we collaborate?

Taking Stock In September

These beautiful shortening September days remind us of the passing of another year. Time to take stock of what items in our homes could be downsized before year-end!

Two questions can help us do this:

1. If I didn’t use this item in the first eight months of the year, will I use it now? And if not, can I let it go? Consider garden decor and tools, kitchen utensils, and summer clothes that may not have been touched this year.

Catherine BarnsleySeptember 8, 2019Downsizing in September, Downsizing Summer Stuff, Downsizing Seniors

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